The NFL has become such a kale salad league. Throw in some juice cleanses, Starbucks “pink drinks”, and Impossible Meat Burger King Whoppers, and that’s what the state of the league was looking like for a while with all of these run-pass options, jet sweeps, QB keepers, you name it.
A couple of teams like the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia Eagles, thankfully, have started to bring this great sport back, and the Minnesota Vikings have hopped on the train. These teams are throwing the keto diet, intermittent fasting, and plant-based diet out the window in favor of the Carnivore Diet. Pure beef, butter, eggs, and maybe some cheese.
Admittedly, the Carnivore Diet is just as much of a trend as all of the other things I listed, but hopefully, so are some of the other new-wave introductions to the game of football over the last couple of years. Things that prioritize speed and finesse, which can only last so long in a game that was meant to be violent, ugly, and have dudes that smell really weird be the best players.
The Vikings went to the local butcher shop and purchased some Tomahawk Steaks to round out their diet with center Ryan Kelly and Will Fries. They already had some high-quality steaks fresh on the line in Christian Darrisaw and the dry-aged Brian O’Neill, and now there’s some A5 wagyu between them in Ohio State guard Donovan Jackson.
It kind of hurts to admit that the Eagles and Lions are the teams that did what the Vikings are trying to do first when it comes to not being afraid to recklessly throw money and draft capital at offensive linemen, but that’s the fact of the matter. The proof is in the pudding; the Eagles and Lions have two of the best offenses in the NFL and have both arguably been pound-for-pound the two best teams in the NFC for a majority of the last two seasons.
This offseason, Vikings’ GM Kwesi Adofo-Mensah decided they were officially done with trying to skirt by with a nickel-and-dimed offensive line, especially in the interior. The Vikings have one of the best tackle duos in the sport, so why shouldn’t they try to maximize them while you still have them by putting actual NFL players on the interior? Not to mention, actually really good NFL players?
Don’t even worry about the fork and knife; just bring your hands to the 2025 NFL season and get ready to get primal like our ancestors. The Vikings are planning on asserting themselves atop the NFC with force, combining a high-quality Kevin O’Connell-designed passing offense with pure beef on the line that could elevate the running game of the Vikings, that’s been less-than-average since the KOC era began in 2022.
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